Core Beliefs: How They Shape the Way We See Ourselves and Our Lives
Have you ever found yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” “I’m a failure,” “Nobody really cares about me,” or “I can’t trust people”? These thoughts can feel like facts, but they may actually be core beliefs. Core beliefs are deeply held beliefs about ourselves, other people and the world around us. Understanding your core beliefs can be an important step towards improving your self-esteem, relationships and emotional wellbeing.
What are core beliefs?
Core beliefs are deeply held assumptions about who we are and how the world works. Unlike everyday thoughts, which can change from moment to moment, core beliefs tend to sit beneath the surface and influence how we interpret our experiences.
Common negative core beliefs include:
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’m unlovable.”
“I’m a failure.”
“I’m not important.”
“People will always let me down.”
“The world is unsafe.”
Positive core beliefs can also develop, such as “I am worthy,” “I am capable,” or “I can cope with difficult situations.”
How do core beliefs develop?
Core beliefs often develop through our early experiences, particularly our relationships with parents, caregivers, teachers and peers. Criticism, rejection, bullying, neglect, inconsistent parenting or difficult life experiences can contribute to negative beliefs about ourselves.
However, core beliefs aren't necessarily formed only during childhood. Significant experiences later in life, such as bereavement, relationship breakdown, trauma, redundancy or repeated experiences of rejection, can reinforce existing beliefs or create new ones.
The important thing to remember is that a core belief is something you have learned, not an objective truth about who you are.
How can core beliefs affect everyday life?
Our core beliefs influence the way we interpret situations. If you believe “I’m not good enough,” for example, you may dismiss compliments while paying particular attention to criticism.
You might avoid opportunities because you fear failure, struggle to set boundaries because you worry about upsetting people, or remain in unhealthy relationships because part of you believes you don't deserve anything better.
This can create a cycle: the belief influences your thoughts and behaviour, your behaviour affects your experiences, and those experiences can then appear to confirm the original belief.
What can you do about negative core beliefs?
The first step is becoming aware of them. Notice recurring thoughts, particularly when you experience strong emotions. Ask yourself: “What am I telling myself about me in this situation?”
Then question the belief. Where did it come from? What evidence supports it and what evidence doesn't? Would you speak to someone you love in the same way?
With time, it is possible to develop more balanced and compassionate ways of seeing yourself.
Counselling can help you explore the experiences behind your core beliefs, understand how they affect your life and begin to develop healthier beliefs about yourself and your relationships. You don't have to continue living according to beliefs that were formed during difficult times.
If you would like support exploring your core beliefs, counselling can provide a safe, confidential space to begin that process.